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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29444541">The Greatest Mystery I Will Never Solve is How to Feel About You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pres310/pseuds/Pres310'>Pres310</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gravity Falls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>College, Ford Pines Needs a Hug, Ford projects his affections for Fidds onto Bill, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Poetry, THIS IS NOT B LLFORD, Takes place over many years, Young Ford Pines, because that shit's nasty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:55:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>852</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29444541</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pres310/pseuds/Pres310</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A long collection of poetry from the POV of Ford Pines about his feelings for/relationship with Fiddleford.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fiddleford H. McGucket &amp; Ford Pines, Fiddleford H. McGucket/Ford Pines</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Greatest Mystery I Will Never Solve is How to Feel About You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I care these old gay men.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing I noticed<br/>
Was those god awful banjo strings.</p><p><br/>
---------</p><p><br/>
The first confession<br/>
To ever leave my lips<br/>
Was to tell you<br/>
That I was studying<br/>
The strange and unusual.</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
Banjos at night<br/>
Can be like nails on a chalkboard.<br/>
How do you sleep to the sound of crickets?<br/>
Is it the same way I slept<br/>
To the sound of neon light streets<br/>
And bruise-black walls?</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
You were the first person<br/>
Who didn't tell me<br/>
That my hands were abnormal<br/>
Nor did you say they were beautiful<br/>
Or fascinating.<br/>
You were simply quiet.</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
There are eyes like soil<br/>
And eyes like rain<br/>
Eyes like snow<br/>
Fresh on my windowpane.</p><p><br/>
There are eyes in this world<br/>
Greener than envy,<br/>
More lavender than blue,<br/>
More gold than brown,<br/>
More soft than goose down.</p><p><br/>
There are eyes in this world<br/>
Darker than the abyss<br/>
Twin Mandelbrot Sets.</p><p><br/>
And at your desk<br/>
There are eyes<br/>
The color of exposed copper wire<br/>
And hayloft secrets.</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
Up in the hayloft;<br/>
Among the straw;<br/>
Hidden in shadows<br/>
And under the purple light of night.</p><p><br/>
There is a young man<br/>
Who can spin straw into gold.</p><p><br/>
And there is a creature<br/>
Who can solve any riddle</p><p><br/>
And there is the moon<br/>
Who,<br/>
Unbeknownst to the two men,<br/>
Is alive and watchful<br/>
Picking and choosing<br/>
Waiting<br/>
And <br/>
Waiting.</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
There are rubber bands<br/>
More secure around my throat<br/>
Than I could've ever tied them.</p><p><br/>
I wonder<br/>
If they make rubber bands<br/>
In the shape of closets.</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
I will travel to the ends of the earth<br/>
I will seek out eyes red<br/>
(Like you've never seen red)<br/>
I will swim to the bottom of Lake Baikal<br/>
I will lose myself in the rain<br/>
I will get lost in evergreen woods.</p><p><br/>
I suppose I could've done it alone<br/>
Until you covered my hand with your’s and said <br/>
“I’ll Stay”</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
“Fiddleford”<br/>
“Yeah?”<br/>
“What does it feel like to fall in love”<br/>
“Well…”</p><p><br/>
It feels like cold showers.<br/>
It runs down your body<br/>
Icy and awake<br/>
It cracks open your bones<br/>
And it reveals you.</p><p><br/>
It smells like black mold<br/>
Like the dark funk of Jersey air<br/>
Like bruise black walls<br/>
Like yelling<br/>
Like doctor’s visits<br/>
Like lies<br/>
Like mistakes<br/>
Like birth defects.</p><p><br/>
It tastes like the words<br/>
“There’s something wrong with me”<br/>
And dandelion wine<br/>
And pomegranate seeds<br/>
Like sinking against closet doors and<br/>
Biting your lip until it bleeds<br/>
Because boys don't cry<br/>
And you can't say what love tastes like.</p><p><br/>
It sounds like a speaker at a concert<br/>
Too loud<br/>
And you can't do anything about it.</p><p><br/>
It looks like five fingers<br/>
Fitting perfectly into six<br/>
It looks like journal pages<br/>
And exposed copper wire.</p><p><br/>
“No. I suppose I've never felt that for any woman.”</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
Love looks like California<br/>
It looks sunny and warm<br/>
With the beach rolling up to say hello.<br/>
It looks open<br/>
And new<br/>
And young.</p><p><br/>
Love feels like the deep of the woods<br/>
Mariana’s Trench of trees<br/>
Dark and mossy<br/>
The green of carnations<br/>
The absence of breath<br/>
There is nothing<br/>
And everything<br/>
All at once<br/>
And the knowledge that if you die here<br/>
They may never find your body<br/>
And you may just be thankful for that.</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
“I am overcome with emotion!”</p><p><br/>
“I'm glad I won't be traveling alone”</p><p><br/>
But</p><p><br/>
“I'm glad I will be traveling with a friend”</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
The act of demonic possession <br/>
Is a kindly one<br/>
It is a tender joining<br/>
Of two souls<br/>
The surrender of control<br/>
It is the ultimate painting of my muse-<br/>
The Galatea to my Pygmalion,<br/>
My Michelangelo,<br/>
The Venus to your Kythera,<br/>
The Icarus to Your Certainty,<br/>
The Narcissus to my Shining Waters.<br/>
And you embrace me in arms<br/>
So familiar<br/>
So freckled<br/>
That they cannot possibly be human.</p><p><br/>
Because humanity<br/>
Is not what you are<br/>
You ethereal Oraphim<br/>
And if I look too closely<br/>
Those arms become<br/>
Too familiar<br/>
To be anything but<br/>
Exposed copper wire.</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
There are mistakes<br/>
And there are bleeding eyes<br/>
And I fear my reality may not be my own anymore.</p><p><br/>
So in my final moments<br/>
I’ll apologize to the air you left behind<br/>
To the banjo strings<br/>
To the smell in my sheets you couldn't take with you.</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
Love feels like<br/>
Memory ripped into<br/>
Like meat beneath fangs.</p><p><br/>
Love smells like<br/>
A landfill.</p><p><br/>
Love tastes like <br/>
Bile <br/>
And <br/>
Regret,<br/>
Burning whiskey.</p><p><br/>
Love sounds like<br/>
An apology<br/>
You will not understand.</p><p><br/>
Love looks like <br/>
All the mistakes I've made<br/>
And all the dimensions<br/>
Laid out at my fingertips<br/>
Except my own,<br/>
Except the one with you in it.</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
Gravity Falls<br/>
Is nothing like the sea,<br/>
But I feel waves rocking beneath my nervous feet<br/>
On the days I can see your face again.</p><p><br/>
And the sea throws me around<br/>
The days that I realize<br/>
That love can look like you<br/>
And that it can feel safe.</p><p><br/>
The sea still whispers<br/>
And my hands still ache and shake<br/>
Your speech still falters<br/>
All this is true.<br/>
But we talk in the morning<br/>
And leave behind the horrors we’d seen at night.</p><p><br/>
--------</p><p><br/>
The first thing I noticed<br/>
Was your fingertips<br/>
On those god awful banjo strings.</p>
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